Surrender

I gaze into soft brown eyes that smile

as warm hands hold me, melt me.

Slowly ... slowly the clothing falls away

and I am left exposed – delighting in

           my nakedness, in the desire in

           your eyes.

Your kisses reach inside me; touch me

            in wonderful places; soft, quiet

            places of my soul.

Your gentle hands stroke my face, cradle

            my face ...

And my body opens to you, ready and longing

            for your touch.

And you fulfill me – as I gaze into your eyes.

It is you:  your hands; your tongue; your presence –

That bring me to such heights –

             to such delights.

1980

(from the book Discoveries In The Dark by Doris Potter)

© Doris Potter

Life's Journey

Together they had forged a life –

Raised three children as best they could –

The years had times of woe and strife

But all in all, most times were good.

Now his sight has dimmed, but his love has not

And he felt their life would start anew

And he went to bed with this comforting thought

But awoke to a future gone askew.

His lifelong mate had been struck down

There wasn't the least forewarning clue

She's in a hospital far from town

And there is nothing now that he can do.

Their old life has now been lost

Their home is but an empty shelf

He too rests his head

On a hospital bed

Praying that soon she will be well.

In moments of fancy he's driving a ball

Onto a beloved golf course green

In her fanciful moments she's standing tall

And painting a lovely verdant scene. 

Their world once traveled in single orbit

Now double ..., Hope asks for overlaps

With all that they have had to forfeit

Fate answers softly "perhaps, perhaps ..."

2003

(from the book Discoveries In The Dark by Doris Potter)

© Doris Potter

Love's Hold

Lounging on the bed

declaring vows of love ...

we sip amaretto from tiny

stemmed glasses.

The afternoon light softens the

contours of the room

and Leonard's slow songs

help bring our heartbeats back

to their resting states.

Your skin is warm as I pull you close

and drape your arm around me.

So many years have passed since that time and this.

Passion's been replaced by a gentle kiss

and sweet memories of times when "we were young and foolish".

2018

(from the book Discoveries In The Dark by Doris Potter)

© Doris Potter

Thanks For The Dance

 

I found you on a moonlit night,

You walked the streets alone,

Your feline silhouette was slight,

Your ribs showed every bone.

And when at last your trust was won,

I brought you to my home.

And now you're sleeping in the sun,

No further need to roam.

And cradled in my arms tonight,

This moonlit winter evening,

We're dancing in the silver light,

To Alexandra Leaving.

I hold you up against my ear,

Love starts to overwhelm.

Your purring's all that I can hear.

We've reached a higher realm.

2020

(from the book Discoveries In The Dark by Doris Potter)

© Doris Potter

Orion

 

I plan to post a poem a week for the next several months so today I start with the poem "Orion".  The photograph above shows the three stars which make up Orion's Belt.

Orion

In dreams so deep

Orion calls –

Aroused from sleep

His chant enthralls.

I raise my head,

Look to the sky –

Rise from my bed

Where sorrows lie.

The stars are mine,

Orion's gift –

I watch them shine,

My spirits lift

And as my eyes

Drink in their light,

I know love lies

With me tonight.

2018 

(from the book Discoveries In The Dark by Doris Potter)

© Doris Potter

Darcy

This photograph of the beautiful eyes of my cat Darcy was taken 10 years ago.  I had to say goodbye to that lovely face yesterday.  We were together for seventeen precious years.  In the last few years he was diagnosed with kidney disease and I realized that in these last few days it had reached a stage whereby his quality of life was diminishing rapidly.

I am always worried about the timing of euthanasia being too early or too late.  I would rather err on the side of too early.  I know Darcy could have lived another few weeks but I could see a change in his expression and his body was losing weight rapidly and weakness was setting in.  

A few words about this handsome cat...

Darcy came into my home as a kitten rescued from the outdoors along with his two sisters.  The sisters were adopted out but Darcy was not, so he became my cat.  

He was a fellow of strong emotions - he loved and he hated.  

His big love was for one of my other cats - a beautiful, gentle tabby named Sweet-Young and he cuddled with her every chance he got.  You could almost see the love in his eyes.

His "play-fighting" mate was Cricket and they had "fierce" wrestling matches (that he usually lost to the smaller Cricket)!  He also would cuddle up to her on occasion as shown in a photo below.  

His hatred was saved for Willow and I don't know where it came from but it necessitated a constant separation of the two.  It was his only fault. :-) 

I would like to try to show the beauty of Darcy in these few photos.  

Darcy with Cricket

Those amazing eyes again!

This is my last photograph of Darcy, taken nine days ago.

I found my heart!

If you recall, I wrote a post in April of last year in which I mourned the loss of a heart-shaped stone which my Dad had given me several years ago:  http://dorispotter.blogspot.ca/2016/04/losing-my-heart.html

Well, I am very happy to say that I have found it! It was in my purse all this time (but deep within a zippered pocket).  I really don't know how I didn't find it when I was searching everywhere - including my purse (where I had originally put it)!

The unusual thing is that I had had a very interesting conversation with an artist/photographer earlier that day and she is known for "seeing" hearts in nature (for example, the way tree branches arc together).  

In fact, she showed me a beautiful image she captured of her reflection in a heart-shaped puddle and a series of photographs of a candle flame in which there is a clear image of a red heart at the center of the flame.  That very night I happened to go to my purse to retrieve earrings I had put in the pocket and lo and behold pulled out my precious stone heart!

I am thrilled to feel its cool, smooth surface again.  :-)

Losing My Heart

About thirty years ago my Dad mailed me a smooth, green, heart-shaped stone that he found on a beach in Victoria, B.C. where he had moved a few years earlier. It quickly became my most cherished possession.

 

I carefully placed it in a small, embroidered pouch to which I attached two tiny angel pins.  And then I carried it everywhere I went.

One time I dropped it in a coffee shop and as soon as I had realized that it was missing, I raced back to the shop and found it lying on the floor under the table.  What a relief!

This close call really worried me and I began to imagine how I would feel if it were gone forever. Also, now deeply ensconced in my sixties, I often wondered what I would do with this stone in the event of my demise.  It was a treasure only to me.

Well, sadly I need not worry about this now as it has been truly lost during a trip to Florida this month.  I think it probably fell out of my bag on the airplane or in the airport as I fumbled with my wallet and passport, etc.

A lost item report has been filed with the airline, the rental car agency and the rented house but so far to no avail.

Barring the return of the stone, all I can hope is that it is with someone who appreciates its beauty or it somehow finds its way to a resting place in the beautiful Florida sun.

I'm sorry Dad ...

Cricket

Cricket came to me in the fall of 1999 when I found her wandering in front of Vanier College.  She was only a few months old and bore signs of a serious injury which had healed.  Her shoulder missed a patch of fur (which never grew back) and one hind leg stuck out at an angle.  A vet determined that it had either been broken or ligaments had been torn.  She speculated that Cricket might have been the victim of a fan belt injury.  (In cold weather, cats often seek the warmth of a car engine and are injured when the driver starts the car).

In spite of all this, Cricket was a spunky, funny, silly little cat that never grew up (in spirit or size).  She had crossed eyes and a dramatic flair.  Instead of crying at a closed door to get into another room, she would take a run and fling herself against the door! And just let her catch sight of a favourite toy or a laser beam and she was in full predator mode.  She chased that little red laser beam with all the intensity one could imagine.  Play was a very serious matter for Cricket.

Closets and cabinets were also serious things for her.  No matter where she was, if you opened a door, she appeared in an instant and tried to squeeze inside.  Being black, she was not very noticeable in dim light and it was sometimes minutes or even much longer before you realized she was missing.  Never making a sound, she would wait patiently for someone to open the door.

Another thing that she liked to do was sit on my lap when I was at the computer and put her forehead into the palm of my hand and just stay like that.  (It made typing rather difficult)!

Over a year ago Cricket’s blood work indicated that she was in the second stage of kidney disease. A year later, at age 16, her condition was deemed stable and she was eating, playing and doing well.  The only issue was occasional vomiting and I started giving her an antacid to help combat that.

October 22 started out like any other day.  Cricket ate normally, came into the living room where I was watching TV and asked to be picked up for me to give her kisses on the top of her head (which always made her purr).

Then I went out for breakfast and a shopping trip downtown.  I browsed the stores basically to pass the time (which I will always regret) and came home just before 4 p.m. When I came home, my cat Willow came to the door but not Cricket.  I didn’t think very much about it at first but then I found her on the bedroom floor in the corner of the room unable to get up.  It didn’t take me long to realize that she was in real trouble.  I immediately called the vet and they gave me an appointment within the half hour.  Then I brought the carrier to her on the floor and when I lifted her she twisted in my hands and screamed!  In all the time she had been with me I had never heard a sound from Cricket other than purring.  To hear her scream was shocking.

During the wait at the vet’s she also cried and I knew this was very serious and that she was in pain.  She extended her paw through the bars in the front of the carrier and wrapped it around my finger and held on like that until our name was called.  I could feel her tight grip as she fought the pain.  I kept telling her that I was sorry – over and over.  Finally when the vet came to examine her, she determined that Cricket’s temperature was low and that she had a heart murmur.  The diagnosis was an aortic thromboembolism.  In other words, a blood clot lodged in her aorta and blocked blood flow to her hind quarters.  This results in full or partial paralysis and extreme pain as the muscles harden.

I wanted her to be free of pain as quickly as possible and since there was no hope of recovery, I opted for immediate euthanasia.  While the sedation took hold (prior to the lethal injection), I stroked her purring body and told her how much I loved her and I thanked her for all the gifts she had given me over the years.  She was a tremendous life-force squeezed into a tiny body that could always make me laugh with her silly antics and her adorable little face with its crossed eyes and upturned nose.

Cats always enrich one’s life and Cricket enriched mine beyond measure.

A lovely cat named "Sweet-Young"

I know it has been awhile since I made a posting.  I guess I needed some motivation. Well, a beautiful cat named "Sweet-Young" is my motivation tonight.

This sweet, gentle cat came into my life sixteen years ago and she left it four days ago.

I often told her, especially during these last months, how I fell in love with her at first sight.  A colony of homeless cats came to my attention those sixteen years ago and as I tried to help them, it became necessary to give them descriptive names and I often referred to her as the "sweet, young one".  The name stuck although I was embarrassed at the vet clinic and changed it to Tamu (which means "sweet" in Swahili).  Mind you, that was only for their files because she always remained "Sweet-Young" to me.  And she always remained sweet  - but alas, not young.

Her gentle nature was evident through all the years and through all the turmoil of bringing in homeless strays to live with us.  She often took a young one "under her wing" and became a surrogate mother.

One such kitten was a tiny black and white one that I named Darcy.  Darcy grew up to be a tall, handsome cat and he fell in love with her as hard as I did.  Although she was becoming more delicate these last few months, she never rebuffed his loving advances of face rubbing and cuddling although the look on her face betrayed her dismay on occasion and I had to intervene so as to give her some peace.

Darcy and I are both missing her terribly.

Saying goodbye

Yesterday I made the decision to end the life of my beautiful, loving cat Firefly. 

Fifteen months ago the vet found a soft mass in her abdominal region.  Given her age (over fourteen years), I made the decision back then that I would not put her through invasive tests or surgery but would monitor her condition and provide euthanasia when I felt it was time.  The mass continued to grow but her appetite was excellent (lots of scolding on her part if her dinner wasn't on time!) and her activity level and behaviour remained normal. 

But yesterday I finally felt that I had to take action before the tumour created an emergency situation (they can burst and lead to internal bleeding and death) or any loss of quality of life.  It was, thankfully, a gentle death at the competent hands of a caring veterinarian.

Firefly came to live with me in 2001 and despite her life as an abandoned cat out on the streets for at least three years, she was one of the sweetest tempered cats I have had the privilege to know.  Firefly and Micha both lived on the streets and were great friends. 

When Micha disappeared I knew it was only a matter of time before Firefly would likely come to a bad end as well and I then brought her in to live with me.  We had twelve happy years together.  She always was a gentle creature who would get my attention by either "twanging" the door stop or by sitting on the table behind the couch and putting her nose in my ear.  Her soft breath and bristly whiskers would get me up to fill her food dish.

She leaves a space in my life that can not be filled.  There are many of these spaces left empty by other cats that once graced my life.  Yet despite the sorrow, my life has been enriched immeasurably by having known and loved, and been loved by, these wonderful, perfect creatures.